So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
