i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
