dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
