i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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