Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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