Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
