ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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