I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
