i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
