The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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