I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
