I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
