I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
