I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
