dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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