he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
