I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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