I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
