I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
