his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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