respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
