Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
