i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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