I could make wine with my vomit
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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