Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
