I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
