i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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