tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
