So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
