We named our party play list daddy issues
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
