i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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