you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
