I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
