Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
