I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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