Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
