I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
