Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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