Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
