They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
