they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
