That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
