I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
