Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize