It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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