Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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