Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize