I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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