it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
