I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
