So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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