yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
