Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
