Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the day after is always just damage control
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize