Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
