Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize