We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
