Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
