So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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