I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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