2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
