hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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