Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
