So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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