took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i think i just lost a toe
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
