I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
