I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
