I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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