hotel room ftw
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
