Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
