someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
