You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You're like the curious george of whores
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
