$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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