we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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