I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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