Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
