at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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