i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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