o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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