Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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