I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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