quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
