i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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