Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
only you would photoshop your dick
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
