ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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