i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
