If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
