Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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