They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
