And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
