I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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