I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
