My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
