I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
