I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
