You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
