i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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