the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
