I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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