the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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