I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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