The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
