i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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